If I don't push on good days, the bad days'll be that much harder

I have a routine of jogging and doing body-weight exercises.

Some days are good, and some are bad.

Monday was bad.

I felt it from the outset.

I didn't want to go and had to drag myself out the door.

As I got going, I was out of breath. With every step, I just wanted to lay down and sleep. I felt sick in my stomach. I felt like vomiting.

But, today? Today was good.

It wasn't one of those superman days, but I was ready and eager to exercise.

As I got going, I felt strong, alert, capable.

I enjoyed the jog. I loved the ease with which it came to me.

And then, in the middle of it all, it occurred to me:

I should be pushing myself.

I should be pushing myself on the good days, because if I don't, the bad days'll be that much harder.

So, I did.

I pushed until I was out of breath. Until my stomach was upset and my arms were dead.

In the end, I arrived home tired, but happy. Still feeling good.

There're a lot of times I don't want to push.

Sometimes, it's because I feel bad. Sometimes, it's because I feel good.

Either way, I do.

I keep running when I feel like I'm gonna vomit. I keep fighting to understand when I feel hopelessly stupid. I keep going, even though a voice in my head keeps telling me I'm nothing but worthless shit.

If I didn't push on the good days, I'd have nothing to keep my head above water on the bad days.

Super short story: When the music stops

This is a short story I wrote at some point in a (physical) notepad I carry with me. I most likely wrote it sometime in 2023.

They say that when you die, you know you're dead because you can't hear music anymore.

That night, the wind blew outside Walter and Claire's old house.

The wind chime tinkled, sweet in their ears, as they sat at their kitchen table, silently keeping one another company.

"How are you, Walter?"

Walter remain silent.

He slowly looked up at Claire with a sad look.

"Do you hear that, Claire?"

"No, Walter. What is it?"

"The wind chime. It stopped."

Claire looked deep into Walter's eyes.

Walter slowly drew back his chair.

He paused a moment, then stood up.

"Well, Claire, I'd best be going now."

"I know, Walter."

Walter started towards the door.

He'd always had a spritely step. Pit pat, pit pat, as he danced across the floor.

But, now, it was slow and tired.

Walter took the door handle gently, turned it, and drew the door open.

The air was still now.

Walter gave a deep sigh.

"I'd best be going now."

As Walter placed one foot out the door, he paused.

He turned to look back at Claire.

"Do you hear that, Claire?"

"What is it, Walter?"

Walter was silent for a moment, lost in a stare.

Then, a smile spread over his face.

"It's beautiful."

Note to self: Awe in the mundane

This is another note I found when looking through a (physical) notepad I carry with me. I most likely wrote it sometime in 2023.

Seeing the colosseum in-person was a dream.

Growing up, history classes taught that it was the center of social life in a great empire. Events we can hardly imagine today were commonplace. It was the seat of glory, spectacle, and masculinity. It's the kind of place young boys fantasize about. And, honestly, fully grown men, too.

People speak of it being awe-inspiring. They say its presence is imposing. They say its connection with legends is energizing. When people visit, they stick out their fists and give a thumbs-up or thumbs-down, assuming the power to seal some gladiator's fate. Others stand in the arena sand and raise their arms in victory, imagining the raucous crowd adoring them.

I don't know what's happened to me in the years since my youth.

When I saw the colosseum in-person, I wasn't filled with awe.

In fact, I didn't even feel moved enough to go inside.

Maybe it was the dense crowd of tourists all around.

There just wan't any adventure to it. There wasn't any excitement.

I love history. It blows my mind how the events of the past brought us into the present.

So, why didn't I feel anything when I stood in front of this hallowed place?

It felt disconnected. It felt static.

Maybe it was because I've traveled and seen different parts of the world at this point. Maybe the novelty of certain things just wears off.

Maybe it has to do with where I place value. Glory has its appeal, but not in the way it once did. I'm much more interested in the complexities of living and what it means to be human. In the seemingly mundane struggles of day-to-day life.

I'm also more interested in action. I'm interested in exploring and discovering. I like an element of uncertainty. I'm animated by the excitement of discovery and learning.

Note to self: I want to live for the journey, not the destination

I found this written on a notepad I use to keep notes. I'm not sure exactly when I wrote it, but it was probably in 2023 or early 2024, based on when when I bought the notepad.

My mission in life is to live it as a journey and not a destination.

To appreciate every tree, every stone, and every bug that I cross on the path.

To continually grow in my acceptance of myself as who I am.

To consistently seek balance in all things.

And, in the end, to able to say, "We sure did have a good time, didn't we?"

The 22 Pixar Storytelling Rules: My 7 favorites

If you could have one superpower what would it be?

Ever since I first saw superman, flying was my jam.

But once I started dealing with puberty, mind reading nabbed top spot.

Then, in 2014, I was at a conference. I was very much an adult. And, the question came up as an ice breaker.

Maybe I lost something of the magic of childhood. But, now, I wanted something that could actually exist. Something I could actually attain.

So, I narrowed the question: "if I could have any ability without spending years to achieve it, what would it be?"

My answer: To be the best storyteller in the world.

Storytelling is a real-world power.

It connects people. It unites people. It gets things done. It's the fuel for accomplishing impossible things.

So, whenever I hear about storytelling, I pay attention.

For example, I was recently listening to an interview of Shaan Puri called "How to Master Storytelling". And, this tip struck me:

"The hero doesn't have to win. The audience loves the hero for the way they try."

What an insight!

He mentioned it was from The 22 Pixar Storytelling Rules.

It's a great guide. Worth a full read.

But, here're the ones I love most (paraphrased):

1. [Rule 1] We love the hero more for trying than for succeeding.
   Our lives are characterized by the struggles we go through. Since we can't control the outcomes, it's the fight that's noble. Stories are really just simulations of life. And, like in real life, it's the hero's willingness to fight that touches us. Not necessarily the outcome.
   
   
2. [Rule 2] Make it interesting for the audience, not the storyteller.
   Telling a story is an attempt to deliver a message. If the message isn't received, we've failed. Obviously, we can't force others to receive our message. So, we need to make it something they want to receive. The only way to do that is to always be thinking from their perspective.
   
   
3. [Rule 6] What’s your hero most comfortable with? Put them through the polar opposite.
   If the hero's always comfortable, there's no struggle. If there's no struggle, there's no story. Know your hero's comfort zone and make them struggle.
   
   
4. [Rule 13] Give your characters strong opinions. Flexibility kills audience interest.
   We decide how much to engage with others by looking at how much their opinions align our own. If someone doesn't have any strong opinions, we don't really feel much about them. Except maybe indifference. And indifference is the fastest way to lose someone's interest.
   
   
5. [Rule 15] Put yourself in your characters' place. Be authentic about how it'd feel.
   If the hero's feelings or reactions aren't things we'd experience in their place, we won't be able to put ourselves in their position. If we can't put ourselves in their position, we're not going to care much about how the story goes. As an added bonus, if we can put ourselves in their position, we're willing to suspend disbelief in other dimensions (like living in a world of where superpowers exist).
   
   Bonus points: In the interview of Shaan Puri, he advises that we shouldn't tell stories by saying what happened. Instead, we should show how it felt.
   
   
6. [Rule 16] Make sure what's at risk for the hero is obvious. Then, stack the odds against them.
   If nothing's at risk, the struggle doesn't matter. So, giving the audience the context for what's at risk is important. Likewise, if the odds of success are high, there's no struggle. Low odds of success create the struggle.
   
   
7. [Rule 19] Use coincidences to get characters into trouble. Don't use coincidences get characters out of trouble.
   We've all experienced unfortunate surprises. We get fired, we get in an accident, someone close to us dies. On the other hand, it's not common that the issues these things cause are resolved by coincidences. Resolving problems with coincidences is lazy storytelling. It destroys believability. It makes an invested audience feel deceived.
   

I hope you find the pointers as insightful as I did!

Happy storytelling!

From Layoff to Lifelong Dream: A Year of Personal Projects

In January, I was laid off.

2 weeks ago was my last day at the company and also my last paycheck.

So, with a family to support and no income, what's the plan?

Well... I've decided to dedicate a year to working on projects of my own.

It sounds irresponsible, but it's possible because:

1. I only need to support myself and my wife (no kids yet)
   
   
2. We have an inexpensive lifestyle
   
   
3. We've saved some money

So, a mix of luck and life choices made this possible.

Is that, like, a sabbatical or something?

Yeah, kind of.

More importantly, it's the fulfillment of a lifelong dream.

Actually, the "dream" was to be an entrepreneur.

But, as I've aged, I've come to realize that my desire to "be an entrepreneur" was just a wrapper around my ego.

It took a long time to separate out what feeds my soul from what feeds my ego. It's an ongoing struggle.

I've always loved building and creating things. I've always loved solving problems, making others happy, etc.

But, I've always loved feeling admired, too.

I remember sitting in my car years ago, listening to NPR on the radio. (For younger readers, that's kind of like listening to a podcast on Spotify).

The host's interviewing an entrepreneur, who's now leading a billion-dollar enterprise.

And I'm sitting there, in my car, fantasizing about how I'd respond to each question. I'm sitting there fantasizing about how I'd be answering these questions and someone out there's sitting in their car, absorbing every word I say.

And yet:

When I reflect on life, it's the experiences I've had that I cherish. Not moments of being admired.

A couple memories that've made my life worth living:

• Spending a week with my family during my sister's wedding
  
  
• Talking with a friend on the phone every week for over 3 years (and still going)
  
  
• Hiking 200 kilometers across Japan in 7 days
  
  
• Organizing weekly in-person meetups for people taking an online course in entrepreneurship (and getting to see the incredible things they'd accomplish after)
  
  
• Running a course on interview preparation with a friend (and seeing the participants go on to advance their careers)

Of course, there's joy in reaching milestones or conclusions in these activities.

But, those have no meaning without the journey.

It's the building, the connecting, the overcoming... it's experiencing the journey that's made my life worth living.

These days, I understand that what I really want is the "doing" and not the "being".

I'm very intentional in saying that my plan is to work on projects rather than entrepreneurship.

Of course, I'd love for one of the projects I work on to generate income.

But, my focus is on building, learning, connecting with people, solving problems, delivering happiness.

So, here I am.

Working on my own projects.

In pursuit of fulfillment.

Thank you for the support and encouragement.

It means the world to me!

The tyrany of the evergreen excuse

I'll always remember my high school running coach saying:

"Excuses are like assholes. Everyone's got one and they stink."

We all hate hearing excuses when things don't go as expected.

But, I think some excuses are better than others.

Sometimes, excuses are situational. Things like:

"The reports weren't delivered on time because we had an unexpected system outage."

Or:

"I was late for dinner because there was an accident that caused a backup in traffic."

These are single-use products. They apply only to a specific situation at a specific time. Use once and discard.

On the other hand, some excuses are evergreen. For example:

"We weren't able to get the project done on time because it's really complex."

Or:

"I didn't exercise today because I didn't have the energy."

Evergreen excuses are re-usable. They never expire. They're always available for use.

When we're accountable to others, evergreen excuses are a quick path to getting fired/breaking up/etc.

When we're accountable to ourselves, they're a quick path to self-loathing. When accountable to ourselves, we make the decision of whether or not to accept our own excuse.

Evergreen excuses give us permission to be lazy.

They're always ready to giving us an easy out. Ready to tell us it's okay that we didn't do the thing we should've done.

They're addictive. Each time we use them, it becomes easier to use them the next time.

We get used to the easy road.

Eventually, taking the easy road is no longer a decision. It's just becomes the road we're on.

That road leads to disappointment.

It's a path that leads away from our dreams.